Top 5 Programs You Should Have Installed On Your Computer

For my regular readers, you may have noticed that I missed my two regular post dates last week. I forgot to mention that I was going to be in San Sebastian, Spain all week (more on that trip to follow in future posts). I’m going to Budapest this week, so I will miss posts this Tuesday and Friday as well. Anyway, here is a bonus post I was working on to try to tide you guys over during my vacation:

I started talking about Ad Aware in my last post, and I almost went on a ramble about how everyone should have Ad-Aware on their computer (except Mac users; they apparently don’t get adware or spyware on their computers….and even if they did, no one would feel sorry for them). Then I got to thinking, and I realized there are a lot of things that we should all have on our computers…enough even to make a top 5 “most important programs of all time to have on your computer” list. Some of these programs are for security sake, others are simply for amusement (i.e. games). Do you really need games on your computer? I think so. I mean, without games, your computer is basically a typewriter with internet access, and maybe a media player. You might think that internet access alone is important enough to justify a computer, but they have smartphones with internet access now, and those things fit in your pocket. Your smartphone or PDA might even have some lesser gaming capacities, such as free cell or minesweeper, which are great, don’t get me wrong. Here’s the catch — can your smartphone play World of Warcraft? If it can, I know some very excited gamers who would like to purchase it from you.

Anyway, on to the list:

5. Mozilla Firefox

I don’t actually know that much about Firefox, but it comes highly reccommended from my friend Jack, who I trust implicitly and unquestioningly about anything regarding computers (heck, I’d probably even go to www.pornandviruses.com if he asked me to). I haven’t really noticed that many differences between it and Internet Explorer, but from what I understand, the long and short of why you should use Firefox instead of Internet Explorer is this: Internet Explorer is linked directly to your system, and so bad things from the internet (like Myspace) have direct access to your system, making your system more vulnerable to adware, spyware, viruses, etc. Firefox, which is not directly linked to your system, avoids these problems. I probably explained that wrong, but in any case, the icon for Firefox is cooler, and I’ve never had any problems with it. So surf in style; only squares use Internet Explorer anymore. Plus, why further the Microsoft reign of terror by continuing to use their software?

4. Skype

A must for the international traveler. If you have regular internet access, Skype allows you to call people from your computer, either via computer-computer or computer-phone connection. The first of these two isn’t particularly special. Really, if you have AIM or MSN messenger you can talk to someone over your computers; you can even talk using enhancing media such as webcams (which, as far as I can tell, you can’t do with Skype). It’s really the second of these two options — computer-to-phone calling — that makes Skype so awesome. Why is this so awesome? Because people shouldn’t have to hang out in front of their computers all the time (unless, of course, they’re reading my blog. That makes them awesome, via the law of Curtis). While computer-to-phone calling isn’t free, it is certainly affordable (to call the US from France I pay 2.1 cents per minute; that kicks the crap out of almost any phone card that I’ve found). Plus, computer-to-phone gives you the following option: rather than having to appoint times to be simultaneously online, if you have a sudden free block of time, you can call someone’s phone, and if they’re near a computer with Skype access, they let you know, and you commence free talking after having spent a total of maybe 4 cents. Otherwise, they’re not near a computer, and you foot the bill of 63 cents for a half-hour call. Worst case scenario, you call them at a bad time, they let you know that they can’t talk, and you’re out 2 cents without having had a conversation (at least they know you’re making the effort to stay in contact with them). Call sound quality is generally decent; I’d say it’s fairly comparable to phone service in most cases, with occasional hiccups and dropped calls. A word of advice, though — if you’re concerned about the sound quality of your call, I would highly reccomend using headphones. If you use the speakers of your computer for sound, you run the risk of feeding back the sound of the call to the person you’re talking to. This results in that person hearing an echo of their own voice, which is rather disruptive and annoying. Other functions of skype are typical AIM-style chatting, which allows you to multi-task while you talk to a half-dozen friends at the same time, you know the drill. Warning: Unless you’re better at multi-tasking than I am, don’t mix calls with more than one chat. I can chat with 4 or 5 people at a time, but talking and chatting at the same time is just too much sensory input for me to process. Plus, unless you can find a strategic place to put your microphone (e.g. shirt clip), it picks up almost all of your typing noises, which might drive your listener crazy. Even mixing a call with one chat gets to be a little much for me sometimes (although I do this with some regularity). Anyway, I’ve probably saved at least a good 50 euros in phone cards this year by using Skype, probably more. Depending on how frequently you call overseas, this could be a huge money saver for you.

3. Spybot Search & Destroy/Ad Aware

These are two programs which basically prevent internet-spawned advertising programs from invading your computer and rendering it worthless. These advertising programs are most clearly recognizable in the form of popups, which are a common symptom of adware infection. As far as I can tell, both programs seem to protect your computer from the same kind of thing, but they do it in a different manner (don’t ask me for specifics of how these programs work; I can’t tell you). I keep both programs installed on my computer, just in case. You can download and update both programs for free (just google them). Admittedly, if you used Firefox, you cleared your cookies regularly, and you knew more about computers than I do, you might be capable of keeping your computer clean and clear all by yourself. Given my mediocre computer skills, however, I feel safer having both programs installed on my desktop. Plus, I am eternally indebted to these programs for cleaning up the mess on my computer which was left by Kazaa. Speaking of which….

Dishonorable Mention: KAZAA

Computer-destroying program disguised as a music-downloading/file-sharing program. While I was using Kazaa, I opened probably an average of a dozen popups each time I opened internet explorer.  Popups would even start showing up on my computer when I wasn’t using it. I had to shut down between every use just to give my computer a momentary reprieve from the pop-up invasion. I lived, breathed, ate, drank, and dreamt popups. I had so much adware on my computer that it began to spout gibberish about the Law of Attraction and the Secret of the Universe. I think when I first installed Ad-Aware it found something like 2600 new critical files. Then I installed Spybot a week later and it found its own cornucopia of bad programs. In the words of the sweet little lady from Ace Ventura, Kazaa can die of gonorrhea and rot in hell.

2. Polar Golfer

While this game doesn’t have an awesome rhyming title like POLAR BOWLER, (its predecessor), it is clearly a superior game. Polar Bowler is really fun for like the first half an hour of play, and then it gets kind of monotonous. Polar Golfer mixes it up just enough to keep the game constantly fresh and entertaining. First of all, there are 18 different holes in the course (as opposed to 10 frames of bowling all in the same lane), and there is enough difference between the characters that you really can explore each character and get a feel for his playing style (or throw your hands in the air in disgust when the sudden change in power and steering cause you to grossly under- or overshoot). You might be wondering to yourself after my parenthetical reference….That’s right, I said steering. You can steer the golf ball as it flies through the air, or even as it rolls over the green or fairway. This makes Polar Golfer infinitely easier and less frustrating than real golf. You might think that this would take all of the challenge out of golf and lead to ludicrous stroke scores, but you would be wrong — it is the powerups that do that. If you’re a golf purist, you can turn the powerups off, leaving an eagle a challenging rarity. But trust me, you’ll love the steering. It may ruin you for real golf, but it’s worth it. Plus, the protagonist of the game is adorable. When you play as the polar bear, and you get an eagle or double eagle, he does this amazing butt-shaking dance that must be seen to be believed. I have no footage of said dance, but to give you an idea of the level of adorable, check out this clip of a baby polar bear from the Colbert Report:

http://www.comedycentral.com/motherload/player.jhtml?ml_video=84023&ml_collection=&ml_gateway=&ml_gateway_id=&ml_comedian=&ml_runtime=&ml_context=show&ml_origin_url=%2Fshows%2Fthe_colbert_report%2Fvideos%2Fmost_recent%2Findex.jhtml%3Fstart%3D16&ml_playlist=&lnk=&is_large=true

Finally, this game is a great way to kill an hour, without the addiciting qualities of other games, such as World of Warcraft or everquest. Plus , the first 20 minutes of the game are free if you download the demo from Dell/Wild games. You can play as much or as little as you want, but whatever time you dedicate to this game will be well spent. Play it at least until you see the polar bear’s booty shake. You’ll thank me for it.

1. Heroes of Might and Magic III

This is a game to end all games. One game to rule them all. There are times when I play this game, and the rest of the world just seems to disappear. Seriously, it’s like a time warp. I have never encountered another game where I could play for 6 hours and not realize how much time I was spending on my computer. I guess that’s not totally true — Masters of Orion II comes close, but not quite to the same extent. The game itself is fairly complicated, but I’ll try to give a brief synopsis for those of you who aren’t gamers. The game in its simplest form is played on a virtual map. You have a starting city (or cities) which give rise to one of 8 armies (9 in the expansion set). Each of these armies has 7 levels of troops, which you produce by building up your cities. You then lead armies of these troops into battle with different heroes (hence the title of the game). You can fight against either human or computer players, but the goal is to conquer the entire map for yourself. It’s kind of like Warcraft, save for the fact that it’s turn-based rather than being played in real time. I prefer turn-based games to real-time games for two reasons: 1) Having turns allows me to contemplate my strategies, rather than just diving straight into a game and playing instinctually for 2 hours straight. 2) Breaking the game into turns allows you to save and stop the game whenever you want.  You probably won’t, though. I always think I can sit down and play for 20 minutes, and it always turns into 2 hours. It’s seriously one of the most addicting games I’ve ever played. Back when I was a heavy user, there were times when I played up to 3 hours a day. I know that the surgeon general has warned us about the dangers of excessive computer game consumption, but it’s my body, right? Honestly, I can stop playing any time I want — I just don’t want to. Actually, all this talking about Heroes is making me crave a hit or two. In fact, maybe it’s better than you don’t get started with this game. It could be a gateway game to even heavier computer game addictions, like World of Warcraft. Next thing you know, you’ll be selling your body on the street for your next gaming fix.

Well, that rounds out today’s top 5. Isn’t the polar bear adorable? Seriously, if you haven’t clicked on that link yet, go check it out. It’s amazing. I’m off to pack for my trip to Budapest now. I’m excited, the weather is supposed to be clear and in the 70’s all week. One of the best perks of being a language assistant in France is the fact that we get 4 weeks of spring vacation. Bet you guys wish you were here travelling with me. I wish you were all here, too. Mostly Jack. And Aram’s hot sister. Tootles.

Tags: ad-aware, computer, firefox, games, Heroes of Might and Magic, Polar Golfer, skype, spybot