Red Trades Blue 3 Ore, Wheat, Brick for 2 Wood

First things first:

 HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

To me, that is. And anyone who shares my birthday. So far here’s the list: Evan Plowgian, John Hagedorn, Tania Kaimowitz, Hillary Clinton (I’ve heard), and my friend Jon Greene’s mom (I can’t call her Mrs. Greene because she goes by her maiden name, which I can’t remember right now).

 Anyway, on to the post I wanted to make this week. My office recently subscribed to the Wall Street Journal online, and I’ve been reading articles in my downtime. I found this one yesterday that I found particularly interesting:

Red Trades Blue 3 Ore, Wheat, Brick for 2 Wood

By Mehmet Dukar – October 25, 3:37 pm 

Eric Walker, representative of the Red, Inc., agreed in principle for a trade with the Blue team involving the exchange of 3 ore, a wheat and a brick for 2 wood. Wood, which has been in short supply given the recent drought of 8’s and 11’s, has seen its value skyrocket over the past three trimeste..uh, turns. Walker, who desperately needs wood for roads and settlements, was forced to give an arm and a leg (nearly the equivalent of an entire city) to further his company’s plans. Many question his investment, and some have begun to question Walker’s ability to scout the market in times of adversity. Walker remains confident, in spite of this quarter’s losses, that his outlook is not as bleak as it seems. “The wood in question will allow me to gain access to an ore port, hopefully preventing any future trade losses of this magnitude”, a somber Jin stated.  

Meanwhile, Blue Enterprises, an upstart settling company led by one Dusty Harrington, is making its presence felt on the market after spending the greater part of the fiscal year in last place. “We’re ecstatic,” a jubilant Harrington told reporters Friday. “Everyone told me I was foolish to hold on to my wood two rounds ago when I was offered two ore, but now I’m able to build a city and a road simultaneously.” The road, which would connect two previously built road chains by blue, would give him the longest road on the market, which experts predict would raise Blue stock 2 points almost instantly.

Perhaps more disturbing for Red than the massive trade losses they’ve sustained this quarter, or the rapid growth of their competitor (Blue), is the recent sustained drought in the wood market. Wood, which is an essential component of roads and settlements, is seen as a staple intermediate good, and sudden drops in wood production are often an unwelcome precusor to recession. Analysts disagree over the short-term future trending of the value of wood; while some forecast that the current tensions show no signs of alleviating, others are more optimistic. Gary Wentworth, a long-time game expert with a PhD in Catan, expects an increase in the next quarter. “Given its strategic marketing and location [found on 8 and 11 hexes], I can’t believe that a shortage of this magnitude can possibly continue. It would defy all previous market trends and economic indicators.”

However, Florence Pendleton, PhD,  a contemporary researcher, believes that things will get worse before they get better. “Since the production of wood is linked to the production of commodities such as paper, significant players in the market have had their production capacities severely limited. Without some serious, world-shifting trades, I don’t see large stores of wood in anyone’s near future.”

Some speculate that the recent lack of wood is somehow linked to market pressures created by the recent sub-prime mortgage crisis, claiming that massive losses have caused traders and lenders to become less trusting of  market, less willing to continue the transactions that are vital to the Catan marketplace. These rumors have yet to be verified, but could affect investor confidence in the coming quarter.

That’s weird. I never knew that the Wall Street Journal reported on Settlers of Catan. Man, once you subscribe to WSJ online, you can find articles about anything. All in all, I thought the article offered good analysis. I especially liked how they showed both sides. I mean, we need to have hope that the economy can improve, but at the same time, we need to be realistic in order to face our problems.

To those of you who don’t play Settlers, first of all, What the heck is the matter with you?!? Secondly, I promise next post I’ll write about something that’s a little less of an inside joke. Tootles.

Randy Moss, Terrell Owens…Wes Welker???

Sunday’s football game between the Dallas Cowboys and the New England Patriots, dubbed the “Duel in Dallas”, was hyped as not only a clash between two of the league’s elite undefeated teams, but also as a showdown of Randy Moss and Terrell Owens, two of the league’s top receivers.

Funny that they would both be shown up by a man whose relative stature approaches that of a garden gnome.

If the Patriots accomplish any of the goals that people are speculating they will (e.g. Super Bowl victory, undefeated season), a great deal of thanks will be due to Wes Welker, an offseason acquisition that is proving to be among the team’s most valuable.

Welker clearly outshined Moss against Dallas; his 124 yards and two touchdowns, combined with his punt returns, placed him among the most valuable players in the game. His two touchdowns gave New England and early lead, and his exploiting of Dallas’s interior defense forced the Cowboys to respect the short game, setting up later home-run passes to Stallworth and Moss.

Welker possesses great speed, quickness, soft hands, and an almost uncanny ability to make defenders miss. In fact, he has everything an NFL team would want in a wide receiver — except height (or weight, for that matter).

You would think that size would be something an NFL player would need, and that an NFL team would covet. I mean, Welker looks like a white Earl Boykins running around with all those other football players (if you don’t know who Earl Boykins is, you can find him on Wikipedia). He’s officially listed at 5′9″, 185 lbs (two or three inches shorter than I am, with similar build), but placed in the midst of other NFL players, the guy looks downright tiny. I almost feel sorry for him every time he gets tackled by linebackers and safeties who range from one and half to twice his size. Then I remember he plays for the Patriots.

Most of the hype surrounding New England’s offseason moves this year were centered around Randy Moss and linebacker Adalius Thomas. To be fair, up to this point, Moss is looking like the steal of the century, averaging over 100 yards and a touchdown per game. But part of the reason that Tom Brady and the Patriots’ offense are having such a record setting year is the fact that every receiver that Brady throws the ball to is amazing — and Welker is no exception.

Welker and tight end Ben Watson pose short threats that make the Patriots’ passing game nearly unstoppable. They are the New England equivalent of Brandon Stokley and Dallas Clark, only better after the catch. Basically, Tom Brady can throw the ball deep to Randy Moss for touchdowns until the other team stops him (a strategy that has already produced 8 touchdowns this season). When the other team guards deep to take that away, he can dump short passes to Welker and Watson for an almost guaranteed gain of 5 to 10 yars. Sometimes these short passes even turn into 30 yard touchdowns because of Welker and Watson’s ability to break and avoid tackles (as happened twice on Sunday).

This is why New England hardly ever needs to run the ball, and does okay with their 3rd string back. This type of running back production is called the Edgerrin James phenomenon. Average running back plays for a team who’s so good at passing that defenses are on guard against the pass at all times. Running back takes advantage of situation to inflate his statistics, fantasy points and earning potential. This is why espn commentators now all sing the praises of Sammy Morris and Kevin Faulk.

Great teams are always an injury or two away from stumbling. Most people’s dooming injury for New England would likely be Tom Brady. This is probably true, but I think that with the injury to Ben Watson yesterday, an injury to Welker could be almost as devastating.

Okay, by following up my long, girly post about Grey’s Anatomy with a rant about football, I have now evened out the yin and yang of my blog, and the universe is once again in balance. Now if I can just get on a regular writing schedule. Tootles.

Top 5 Ways You Can Tell “Grey’s Anatomy” was Created by/for Women

I came up with the idea for this post this summer while I was watching a bunch of Tivo’d Grey’s Anatomy season 3 episodes on my parents’ DVR (Sometimes you need to fill your unemployed free time with something other than job search). However, after the premier of season  4, I thought perhaps of changing it to, “Top 5 reasons that Grey’s Anatomy is now a terrible, terrible show”. I figure I should probably just stick with my original idea, because otherwise I’d just be pointing out the obvious. And after all, maintaining a quality sitcom year in and year out is a difficult thing to do — Scrubs and Family Guy both saw a substantial drop-off in coherence and originality after their third seasons; Lost quickly nosedived after the end of season 1. I’m not sure when Friends became terrible, but boy was that show terrible in its later seasons. When you have no new quality plot lines or characters to develop, it is difficult to prevent your show from becoming hackneyed, exaggerated, or otherwise generally crappy. That’s why Seinfeld quit at the height of his show’s popularity; he didn’t want the show to die the slow, painful death of almost every other sitcom.

Anyway, there’s another point to be made here: Even when Grey’s Anatomy was good (for those of you who share in my opinion that the show was once good), it was still very heavily catered to/viewed from the perspective of women, which is not surprising, given the fact that the creators of the show are women themselves.

Note: I’m assuming that the show is created largely by women, given the fact that the creator’s name is Shonda Rhimes, and the production company is Shondavision. Obviously some of the actors are men, but the driving creative force behind the show strikes me as clearly female.

Note # 2: There’s nothing wrong with being catered to women. I’m not trying to make any kind of value judgment here — I watch the show, so clearly I don’t think it’s bad (with the exception of season 4). Men (myself included) are allowed to like things that were invented for the sake of women. In less progressive times, this might not have been as socially acceptable. But as we move toward a more gender equal society, I would like to think that we will start to see some of the once clear gender lines blurred a little bit, such as women receiving equal pay, or women asking guys out on dates, or men watching Grey’s Anatomy. At some point we might not even worry about whether our actions are masculine or feminine/effeminate, and just get on with our lives.

This already happens to some extent. Case in Point: Body Spray. All things good-smelling have been traditionally under the jurisdiction of women, but as part of the metro-fication of men,  these once-feminine odor-enhancers have become not only acceptable for men, but even masculine, due to some extensive advertising. The logic of the advertising is this: Our product makes you smell good. Smelling good gets you laid. Getting laid = masculine. QED.

But should we really buy this? I mean, men have traditionally had fragrant MAN-sprays that we called our own, such as Deodorant and Aftershave, but come on, Body Spray? I mean, does that sound to anyone else like it should come with glitter and throw pillows? Not that there’s anything wrong with a man who likes glitter and throw pillows. I’m just saying…

Now that I’ve ranted and gotten entirely off subject, back to the Top 5.

5. The Genre

It’s a tv drama, that has nothing to do with sports or crime investigation. Enough said. Actually, this is a fairly good marketing strategy. The most religious tv show followers that I know of are, in no particular order: Men watching NFL games on Sunday and Monday night, college students watching Daily Show/Colbert Report, and women/girls watching evening dramas (Grey’s Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, and Friends [kind of a comedy, but also kind of a drama]). Since you can’t script an NFL game, and college students aren’t that large of a target audience, an evening drama that appeals to women sounds like a good idea to me.

4. The Lingo

This is mostly in reference to the constant slew of Grey’s Anatomy slang that I hear used almost exclusively by women. Honestly, how many male friends do you have who have ever used an adjective like “McDreamy”? How many male friends do you have who have ever used the phrase “Dark and twisty”? How many male friends do you have who have ever used the word “Va-jay-jay”? Actually, I have been known to use the word Va-jay-jay from time to time, but mostly only when mocking Grey’s Anatomy. Also, according to my brother in med school, Grey’s Anatomy has also sparked among girls/women an intense desire to use terms relating to the medical profession. He says conversations with girls who find out he’s in med school go something like this:

“Wow, you’re in med school? So you’re gonna be like, an intern, right? And then you’ll start your residency? And then you’ll be a resident, right? Like, that’s so awesome!”

I’m truly grateful that we have shows that give people such a profound understanding of the medical system.

3. The Plot Lines

Plot lines in Grey’s Anatomy generally run something like this: Drama. Lots of Drama. Medical drama. Baby momma drama. Baby daddy drama. There are few shows on television that are more emotionally heavy than Grey’s Anatomy. A medical drama, by definition, should have many moments of intense medical drama, such as having to awaken someone with a defibrilator. But what makes the show for women is all of the gossip, lying, and cheating. I swear, there isn’t a married man on that show who hasn’t had an affair at some point. It’s like a cross between ER and Closer (the movie, not The Closer like the tv show). All they’re missing is an episode where Natalie Portman makes a cameo and tells Dr. Sheppard that lying is the most fun a girl can have with her clothes on. I guess this doesn’t necessarily make the show for women, it could also make the show for French people. It is very similar to a lot of classic French literature. You know how those French love their cheating.

2. The Dialogue

Granted, sitcom dialogue isn’t always supposed to be like real-life dialogue; if it was, it probably wouldn’t hold people’s attention as well. It’s understandable that on a tv drama the dialogue will be loaded with over-the-top monologues, etc. However, the men on Grey’s Anatomy don’t talk to each other like men really do. A prime example comes from the season 4 premier (which is not from the show’s glory days, but it’s the freshest example in my mind. In said episode, Mark and Derek had a conversation that ran something like this:

Mark: “Looks like you could use a friend. That Meredith girl really jerked you around.”

Derek: “Don’t ever talk to me about Meredith! Meredith’s mom wrecked her, and her father abandoned her. Now Meredith doesn’t know how to love. She has real love, but she doesn’t know what to do with it. So don’t ever talk to me about Meredith. And I don’t need a friend.”

(one scene later)

Mark: “I’m the one who needs a friend.”

Derek: “What?”

Mark: “I know I said you need a friend, but I’m the one who needs a friend. I didn’t come here for Addison, I didn’t come here for the chief’s job, I came here for you.”

Derek: “Dude, I’m so gay for you right now.”

Mark: “Same here, bro. Totally gay for you.”

Well, maybe I improvised the last two lines, but that’s totally where that conversation was heading. If Mark were a real friend, and a real man, he would have stuck to his guns about the fact that Meredith was crazy. The conversation could have gone like this:

Mark: “That Meredith really jerked you around.”

Derek: “Don’t ever talk about Meredith, not her fault, etc.”

Mark: “I might be true that Meredith had a bad upbringing, but that doesn’t give her free reign to treat people however she wants. At some point she’ll have to assume responsibility for her own actions and relationships. By the way, Derek, maybe you should consider washing the sand out of your va-jay-jay and stop crying like a little McBitch.”

That would be some MAN-dialogue. Don’t get me wrong. Men talk about their feelings from time to time. They just do it in different ways from what you see on this woman-show.

1. The Characters

Have you ever noticed how there isn’t a single stereotypical MAN-character on the show, except for the occasional patient? Maybe it’s just because they’re doctors, and doctors aren’t like other people, but take a look at the main male characters of the show:

Derek: Quintessential nice guy character. Doesn’t really do much other than smile and be supportive. Fortunately, he is also good-looking, and successful, and thus confident, which allows him to still be appealing to women, but for some reason he still loves Meredith, who clearly sucks. This gives women hope that even if they suck, there’s a McDreamy out there waiting for them.

Burke: For those who don’t go for the Nice Guy, here is your alternative. The strong, silent type, filled with intensity and driven by an almost compulsive passion to be the best. Intolerant of failure, stubborn, yet somehow still possessed of a profound emotional understanding and patience when it comes to women. Gets shot, and needs to depend on a woman to get him through it. Women who want to be needed, this is your guy.

Alex: Bad boy character number 1. For the women out there who go for that kind of thing. Early in the show, he was stubborn, egotistical, emotionally unavailable, but confident and attractive enough that Izzy fell for him. Lo and behold, he turned out to have a sensitive side, as TV bad boys generally turn out to. Love for a disfigured pregnant woman caused him to become the kind, generous person we all knew he was deep inside. If you think I find this plausible, kindly read my post about bad boy appeal.

Mark: Bad Boy character number 2. Mostly there as a plot device to create more tension between Derek, Addison, Meredith, and everybody (after all, you can never have too much tension). Actually, pretty convincing bad boy character early on. Good looking man who takes what he wants without apologies. Then he got all sensitive to try and win Addison, then Addison got her own show and now he’s sensitive all over Derek and anyone willing to listen to him.

George: Used to be a realistic Nice Guy character when the show began (at that point he was my favorite character on the show). Genuinely nice guy who was less confident around women; at a disadvantage because he’s short and not as good looking as the other doctors. However, the producers of the show didn’t stick to their guns, and slowly became more and more dramatic and crazy like all of the female characters on the show. At the same time, they somehow turned him into a ladies man, tagging two of his coworkers simultaneously, in spite of the fact that he’s married to one of them.

Chief: Could be a real MAN-character, but maybe I’m just not old enough to relate. Seems to me like the wise old mentor figure who has been through it all (inculding affairs and divorce), who constantly teaches everyone else life lessons about love and surgery. There as an example that you shouldn’t let work overrun your personal life, which is a real problem for some men in society.

Okay, so I guess some of them approach real MAN-traits. But compare them for a second to the female characters, who all seem to possess, and even glorify, typical human compulsions and insecurities. Note the fact that Mark was a “Bad Boy” for sleeping around when his character was introduced, but it’s somehow okay for Meredith to sleep around when she’s trying to get over Derek (a reversal of the usual cultural double standard). Compare the male and female protagonists, Meredith and Derek. Derek is a fairly flat character, without many flaws, but without many traits that make him very complicated or interesting. Meredith is a total headcase, filled to the brim with emotional issues and backstories. Simply in terms of character development, the women seem to have gotten the lion’s share.

Also, you may often hear girls talking about how badly they want a McDreamy in their life, or which character they would date if given the choice. You’ll rarely ever hear that kind of talk from guys. First of all, fewer guys watch the show. Secondly, the female characters just aren’t built to be as appealing to male viewers as their McDreamy counterparts. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with any of the women in that show. They’re more flawed, more human. I mean, Izzy is hot, but she only goes after guys that are married or dying. Meredith and Christina are crazy, and Dr. Bailey just doesn’t do it for me for some reason.

It’s probably good to have a show like Grey’s Anatomy that favors women, given Western culture’s centuries of male-dominated cultural phenomena. Like I said, I enjoyed the show up until season 4. On the other hand, I can see why my roommates mock or question me when I change the channel to ABC on Thursday nights. Tootles.